wow. so this is my first blog entry.

we all have our digital footprints in the world but this was one big intentional leap into the internet on my part. of course, i already exist on the internet: on school-affiliated websites, on social media (@jane_park_), on linkedin.

but i guess this space will be different in that… even if no one sees this, even if strangers see this, this page will exist for my thoughts, questions, and words only. that will be its sole purpose. and i am excited to pursue this new form of existing!! so, so excited.

i’m not sure what kind of content i’ll post, but i’ll start by posting my monthly “janenotes” on here. i write emails to my friends with thoughts, questions, and book/art/media recommendations. publishing these emails will maybe introduce a familiarity, an intimacy for both me as the writer of these blog posts and for you as the readers.

while i am very scared to think about any further implications, right now i am in my pajamas typing away at a computer screen. nothing matters. i am munching on strawberries and listening to carly rae jepson. who gives a fuck.

anyways, i’ll come back with an introduction sometime later. for now, i just wanted to say ‘hi.’ and now, i will end with ‘goodbye.’

as i end any piece of intimate writing,

love, love, love

janeee

writer’s note: this post was originally sent as an email (as a part of the monthly note series) to friends on thursday, december 29th 2022. also the emojis look super weird here, oopsies.

hi y’all!!! yikes… there are only two more days left of this month (and year?!!!) and so i am hurriedly writing this month’s note. once again, it’s exciting to put new people onto the email list and to have new conversations/interactions to look back on. for those of you who don’t know, i just write monthly emails to friends in reflection of certain events or meetings, if there are any cool things i want to share, or just as a way to stay in touch! 

if you’re receiving this email for the first time, i’ve probably added you because i want to expand on something that you’ve said during a dinner/meal-grab or just because… you would have interesting things to say in response (who knows… maybe you’re featured in the post )

 so here goes. (oh and if you want to stop receiving emails, just let me know! i wanted to add an unsubscribe feature but i didn’t know how… i added like ten more people because i was feeling happy and excited but now i’m scared for y’all’s reactions)

penny for your thoughts?:

 i guess, so far my emails have just been me rambling (on&on) and verbalizing existential crises… but there are some questions i’ve been ruminating on that i can’t seem to answer for myself. so i’ll turn it to y’all:

• christmas love or christmas capitalism? someone in this world will know why i am giving starbucks $12 for two coffees. just not me. 
  i simply don’t understand. even though, more oft than not, i will hand over my $12 wordlessly. remember the zombie manifesto reading i included in my last email? yeah maybe, it’s about me. maybe i’m the zombie born from capitalism, mindlessly and endlessly consuming products and goods made from exploited human bodies.
  BUT. in my brain, $12 coffees and other material goods make sense when it’s to share with a loved one or just to show my gratitude. like i bought a friend a “cheer up” gift and it was so, so worthwhile to see their reactions. or an upperclassman bought me coffee and i needed it so much that day. 
  BUT ALSO… there are more ways to show gratitude than overpriced coffee and random purchases. it wouldn’t make sense nor would it be fair for only those with money to be able to “afford” gratitude or show love, right? 
  so i’m confused as to what to do. like are we just going to pretend that i didn’t spend an HOUR looking for gifts for my parents?? while i’m hesitant and conflicted and ambivalent, i am also clearly excited for the purchasing and exchange of gifts. which complicates this christmas-capitalism season of gift exchange further. thoughts? 

• ‘middle school’ friends = ‘middle school’ friendship??? do you think the friends we meet/relationships we have in middle school, high school, college are fundamentally different? like does the age/phase of life at which you meet someone define how you interact with them? but then is meeting someone post-educational institution defined by…. post-educational institutionness? the answer is probably no… but at the same time, so much of the thoughts and experiences i have are “college”ish: i have worries on how to make friends in a college setting; i have awkward interactions with college professors; i listen to the woes of sophomore friends who need to find “internships” and to “make connections;” all of which i never really gave thought to seven months ago. to what extent, do our identities and sense of self rely on terms like “senior in high school” or “freshman in college?” (or even worse, “junior in college “) and how does that answer give way or influence the very first question? 
  and now for some quick ones:

• thoughts on crocs? do we hate it or love it….

• can people have “bad” music taste? is there a universe in which meghan trainor’s “made you look” can win a grammy? 

• should i watch the new avatar movie?
• my dad says: “YAS!”
• 6. wait also, y’all should reply back with what you’re doing right now, over break… i would love to hear!!
  ALSO SEND ME YOUR INS AND OUTS!!!!!! 

health:

yale has made me realize that “being sick” can be a state of being. like y’all are just perpetually sick. and so am i, as i spent the last month alternating between severely hacking my lungs off and mildly hacking my lungs off. so when people wished me to “stay warm and stay healthy” for the holidays, it lowkey hit. very hard. so maybe not lowkey but like on the highest-key. 

so i am also wishing everyone here so much love and happiness but also so, so much health!!! i hope you all can always breathe clearly through both nostrils! i hope y’all won’t have to wake up in the morning and cough out mucus! i hope y’all can sleep peacefully, all through the night. 

+ !!! i’ve already said this to some… but when people say “let me know if there’s anything i can do,” they probably mean it. or at least when i tell people, i very much mean it, like i will make a wholeass gheav run or bring you cookies or whatever. but when i am on the receiving end of the “lmk if there’s anything i can do,” i find that it’s hard to actually take people up for their offer. which… is stupid, how can i want for other people to believe in my sincerity when i don’t believe theirs? 

so i say this with my whole fucking chest when i say: please let me know if there’s anything i can do. please. i’ll literally do anything (with exceptions). i will fucking cartwheel. 

lists:

a short, silly, goofy thought. i’ve encountered some people who make lists ??? of like all of the shows that they watch or like books they’ve read and i think that is so… cool??!! and interesting. like the dedication. but also.. why do you do that… like are you just really motivated or… is there someone with a gun to your head forcing you to do this… i don’t know! but if you’re comfortable, please share the list (share with the class, don’t be shy)! i’d love to hear your takes + get some good recommendations. 

people who text first:

people who text first >>>> everything. that’s it. that’s the tweet. 
like someone (you are bcced in this email chain) told me that we should “do more things together next semester” and it was so, so lovely to hear that!!!!! i feel like i used to be the type of person to text first or to organize things but now… for some reason, i find myself hesitating to do so. but whenever people reach out first, i feel more courageous to do the same!! 

and so instead of text, i’ll email first. this is my moment to say that i’m so, so excited to spend more time with y’all in the future!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH. let’s meet up! let’s grab another meal! let’s do something… anything… like we can go to a nice cafe and just read… i’m really excited to be friends with y’all. 

ALSO ALSO i swear i will respond to texts/emails/dms soon… my villain-era is over and i will return (??) to being a nice, responsive friend. 

from conversations with friends (please do let me know if you get the reference): 

practically all of the above are thoughts shared with friends, bold of you all to assume that i have anything original to say. but here are some cool, interesting information that you all (some*, only some of you have had interesting things to say) shared with me//special conversations that we’ve had:

– soft hours, 24/7, 265 days a year (@jlee)i think… we both thought that “softness” and sentimentality are things that we naturally grow and mature out of… but maybe the response to ward off any softness comes from a fear of being judged or of being deemed silly… like you know how there’s the phrase “they’ve gone soft,” almost as a way to say that they’ve grown out of touch with how they used to be? well @jlee and i think that, when we’re “soft,” maybe we’re the most in touch with ourselves and others. and so, having found people who i can be “soft” with, i will try to be soft and sentimental and cheezy without reservation or fear. find your “soft” friends!!!

– capsule wardrobes??? (@kchen)i’ve already heard @kchen’s spiel (like an entire freaking essay fr) about this but thoughts on capsule wardrobes + sustainability + do “classic” (pieces that don’t go out of style) items exist? + does fashion and minimalism go hand in hand?? + capsule wardrobes as a preventative measure against mass consumerism? 

– what in the fuck is rizz and rizztentional? (@jzhang)is…. rizz intentional? does everyone have rizz, but not everyone can fully “channel” rizzness? is unintentional rizz just being pretty? or can someone inherently and unintentionally hold “rizz” through their actions/demeanor? all silly questions but @jzhang and i talked about this for an entire hour y’all. 

– the beauty of mr. sunshine (@jjang, @eall297 people)after two years, i have finally finished mr. sunshine. i’ll make this quick but i can legit talk for an hour about this… mr. sunshine is a masterpiece because it captures america’s complicated relationship with korea through a korean-american (eugene choi’s desire to protect a “motherland” that does not claim him as its own, while knowing he as a sergeant holds military power stemming from colonial enterprise)… there’s one line where this japanese soldier confronts and goads eugene choi… stating that america and japan’s imperial goals are not that different and that complicates the romance that audiences (and go ae-shin) feel toward eugene choi (making me think of that other eall297 reading: “i love you, do you love me”). it’s absolutely gut-wrenching. AND THEN there’s the question of class and nobility in korea, whose lives matter in history, who has the privilege and right to be “patriotic,” etc. yes, there are those who sell their own country for greed but what if you are selling a country that has “done nothing for you?” how do you love and fight for a country that does not love you? 

recommendations: 

and lastly, as with every ending of an email, here are some recommendations, some from me, some from you!

– songs

maybe it’s not our fault by yerin baek

best to you by blood orange (rec from @kchen)

low by sza (everyone and their fucking moms listening to SOS rn i can see y’all’s spotify session )

sweet creature by harry styles

hate dah by super silly seasons by wave to earth (rec from @dowyang) 

– videos/movies:
“The Case for Copying” (rec from @kchen)

“avatar” (rec from my dad who is obsessed lmao)

Polar bear cub is surprised by a seal (rec from @kramratnam)

baby speaking in kyeonsang-do accent 

20th century girl (kai and i did not shed a single tear… pls watch and let us know if you did) 
– books: 
“tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow” by gabrielle zevin (rec from anguyen)

“the miracles of the namiya general store” by keigo higashino (rec from plu) 

“black leopard, red wolf” by marlon james (rec from hkarim)

that’s it, folks. the last janeee note of 2022. see you all in the new year! sincerely wishing you all love, happiness, and health. 

love, love, love

janeee